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Some people like to top and bottom when they have sex, but what is this, who does what and do you have to do it? The simple explanation is that the top is who puts their penis, fingers, or sex toy in someone. The bottom is the person who has something put in them. It is a lot more complicated though.
Someone can be a top without putting anything inside anyone. This means that someone can be a top without having a dick. For example a woman could be a top or a bottom or both. It can also be about what the dynamic is about who is deciding on what happens and taking the initiative.
So someone who is more active is the top and someone who is more passive is the bottom. It can also be about control. The top might have control over the other person about things like; what kind of sex that they have, how they do it, or the relationship as a whole. It can also be done without consent and so is just abusive.
Find out more about kink and how it can be done consensually and safely. Address. Many people find that they either do a little bit of topping or bottoming, or a bit of both or are a bit neutral. See all the posts about how to have more enjoyable and consensual sex. Sometimes I get asked about how people work out who is the top and who is the bottom.
The answer is, it depends. I think the top and bottom thing is strongly linked to power and the power dynamic that is going on between the people having sex and the relationships in general. Like I say in this post about power there are usually differences in power in relationships and one person has more of it than another. Another example could be that with two women the more experienced woman might be the top because she knows what to do.
A lot of this stuff is based on some pretty big assumptions and stereotypes that you might not agree with. Sometimes people also decide who is the top and bottom by thinking about their different personalities. As you can see a lot of this stuff is based on some pretty big assumptions and stereotypes that you might not agree with.
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The man. Whoever is most masculine. Which person has a penis. The dominant one.
Most confident one. The older one. The woman. Whoever is most feminine. The less confident one. Whoever is younger. This is based on a very heterosexual understanding of the world — we call that heteronormativity. But a lot of gay and lesbian sex partners might find themselves doing the same kind of things — which is homonormativity. If you want to learn more about this kind of thing you could take my free Teach Yourself Sex Ed course and do the activities about masculinity and femininity in lesson 3.
Some people actually find that this works out for them pretty well. Often people are just fine doing what is expected of them in this way, even if they are aware that they are relying on stereotypes.Bottom, Top and Oral Sex Tips
It can lead to them having the kinds of sex that they enjoy anyway and it can be spontaneous and exciting. Even if the sex was consensual it may well just be rubbish sex because they were both not really doing the kinds of sex that they actually find hot. There are, of course, lots of different kinds of sex that people find more enjoyable than eg penis in vagina sex.
Some people like to talk about who tops and who bottoms or even whether this is important for them at all. Like I was saying before — topping and bottoming can be about a particular activity. He really liked that. Even though they specifically consent to this and are really really into it, I have to remember that they might find it harder to tell me if anything is wrong. So if you can talk about who tops and bottoms first then that is great.
How Consent Feels — and a simple way to practice it.
If you like could you please share it with your peoples. I moderate all comments before they go live. You could also chip in directly via my PayPal. You are my only source of funding at the moment. Check out my very popular RSE resources at bishtraining. Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since Find out more about Justin here. My guy finds it uncomfortable to be top during sex. Think of the way that a snog can be really mutual because you are doing something with each other at the same time.
How To Be A Man. As you can see the rules and should stories about men and women in heterosexual couples can be really narrow and restrictive. So my advice would be to try to open up conversations with him about this. Try to chat about your wants and needs as well as his. I know that it can be hard to talk about what you want and to have those conversations, but that is only because you have probably had really bad sex education.
There are lo of resources on here to help you to figure this out between you. If you want to give me more detail you can message me via the Ask Bish section. I mean most people would just be mad about the comment and be also unpolite theirself but you even offered to explain it again for this person. And I think that you already did a pretty good job with this article. I did say it was complicated because it has several meanings which I cover at the beginning. I can give you an answer more relevant to your situation if you want to give me a bit more info?
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